The Hypnotist compels you.  The Hypnotist knows what you want and apparently what you want is orange guido, frosted lips, guyliner, blowout, and soft doe eyes like Jasmine from Aladdin.

Now, whenever you hear the word “product” you will involuntarily fist pump!

Chad and Johnny couldn’t show the world their true feelings, not even their closest friends. They had to settle for the occasional loving touch, holding a strawberry milkshake together.

I think this Ferrari is going to be left with a bad taste in its mouth.

If you’re not sure you like Guidos or Guidettes better, now you don’t have to choose.

Jesse hadn’t always wanted to be a guido, surrounded by puckerlicious guidettes… Sometimes he thought of how life could have been different, how he could instead be kicking up his feet up by a cozy fire with his bag of knitting.

Amber shows off the new technique of tan-blending.  Starting up top with a deep, rich red, she gradually transitions to a sexy orange hue before finishing off with some nice white undershadowing.

Scientists are perfecting the most punchable “person” in the world:  the kissy face douche.

Seen here are the different revisions:

Gen 1:   Codename The Tony – Major design flaw:  poops pants when house music gets above 120 decibals.

Gen 2:   Codename The Angelo – Major design flaw: fist pumps to Neil Diamond.

Gen 3:   Codename The Gino – Major design flaw: requires copious amount of Axe Bodyspray intravenously.

Her parents must be so proud!

Jackie started off as a normal girl, but with years of effort she accomplished her goal of becoming Jaxx, the first female Oompa-Loompa.

(yes, picture is real)

They all know Sal’s about to fail his HGH piss test.